I had the biggest ME DAY without planning it this past Saturday.
- Had pole dancing class
- Went shopping
- Ate lunch at a sit-down restaurant
- Worked away on personal projects at a Starbucks
It felt great. Heck, it felt AMAZING. To be on my own agenda, without anyone telling me what to do and when to do it. Being able to spend my time and money wherever I dictated. Quite a liberating feeling, especially when you come from an environment that needs series of approvals, whether it is in the office or choosing a place to eat with friends. But, when you are by yourself, all you have to say is ‘Yup, doing it.” and it’s done!
The newest experience is probably eating by myself. At the beginning, you feel like you should be using this as a social time, or you would think that the waiter is judging you a bit. Then I thought: “Why can’t we eat out alone?” I mean, why limit it to just ordering take out and eating at home while binging on Netflix? I want to enjoy the restaurant ambiance too!
Never thought I would ever say: “Table for one, please.” But hey, now I would not even hesitate doing that again.
I think I’m finally okay with being alone again.
I realized this on Valentine’s Day, probably the cheesiest time to hit this kind of epiphany, but I swear, it was that day. I was suppose to have a date on February 15th, but they bailed on me. Instead, in a surprising turn of events, I ended up having dinner with a VP from my company. We discussed industry trends, company life, and my career aspirations over a great Mediterranean meal.
The evening turned out to be a lot better than I had originally planned and I thought about this.
“Would I have been able to take such a spontaneous opportunity if I had a commitment to a partner?”
We went our separate ways and I stood waiting for my late train at the subway station. I have not seen so much innocent PDA ranging from putting one’s arm protectively around the other’s shoulder, or giving loving pecks on the lips and forehead. These actions made me smile. I didn’t know I was until I caught it myself.
I didn’t see these actions with envy. I was genuinely happy for them. There was no feeling of needing someone myself to join the festivities. I’m standing just fine on my own and doing things on my time. That is the kind of freedom I had from being single for so long. You don’t have to think about an extension of yourself. Sounds a bit selfish, but being single means I can make decisions without accounting for another’s feelings or opinions – have 100% focus on my own development.
At this point of my life, that’s exactly what I need and want.